i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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