i think i have two assholes
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
