Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
