I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
COCAINE IS GR8
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
