Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
