i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
