its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
