listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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