people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
