I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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