I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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