Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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