So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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