So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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