...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
