I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
