Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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