Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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