also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
