If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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