i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
