It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
