she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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