okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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