Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
