Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
