well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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