A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
