Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
