I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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