you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I am full of burrito and curiosity
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
