Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
