It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
