so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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