Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
