The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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