walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
