smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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