Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
