i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize