I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
