I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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