Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
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WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
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That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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