So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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