I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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