Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
