4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
