just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
