I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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