I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I am one with the molecules
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
