oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
The best revenge is premature balding
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
