Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
