Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
