god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
