Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
