Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
