did you get engaged???
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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