I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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