i just wanna soil my oats bro
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
