I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
