In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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