im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
