I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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