I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
