This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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