I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
