Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
