Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
